It’s late at night. You lie awake thinking of what could’ve been, what would’ve been, had you just done something different. You ask yourself, “Am I happy?” It isn’t a matter of happiness really. Why? Because happiness is everywhere. It’s in the grand, and it’s in the small. Happiness is in between the folds of your pillowcase, waiting to smoothen on the touch of your cheeks. It’s the first sight of light and color and beauty for someone who’s never seen before. It is in the foam clouding your cup of coffee. It’s in every finish line crossed and every mountain peaked. So you ask yourself a different question, “What am I searching for?” And ultimately, I believe that question ties back to the original one in that we are all just searching for happiness. Happiness in its purest and resilient form.
I was asked over the past weekend to examine the condition of my heart. Metaphorically, of course. It was a challenge posed to peruse the deepest, darkest corners of that thing that relentlessly beats inside; what does it want? What do I yearn for? What do I treasure deeply? Is there hate in there?
I’m not perfect. We’re told that nobody’s perfect. Perfection is subjective; who’s judging anyway? I know I’m being judged somehow, not by the measures of my success or lack of it nor by the number of people who stand by my side. I’m being judged solely on the condition of my heart and its contents. Now, who’s judging you?
Happiness, I believe, is just the expression of a heart’s capacity. A satisfied heart is happy. The opposite heart is unsatisfied. What, then, satisfies a heart?
Love. Love in the right ways and the right things.
And that, in itself, is the most subjective thing of all. Don’t even think about the things you hate. Think about the things you love. Feel free to substitute “people/person” for “things”. Are you loving right?
I could go on, but I believe this is enough. We all know the answers to our own questions. As for me, I love in many ways and love many things. Am I satisfied? Not completely. I still want that great career and that awesome house. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dreaming. But I definitely think I can make more room in my heart for the one who loves me the most, the one who judges me in the end. I’m letting it slowly sink in…letting my priorities change slowly. I’m accepting the fact that my heart isn’t in the condition for judging. I guess that’s the first step to recovery. In reference to the photo, no, I’m not super bad 🙂
Hope you find your happiness. Mine is all around me 🙂